Some people have this really great “tradition” of picking a word (or more) for the new year.  I kinda like this idea and got to thinking I might like to do this to.  But. . .

I know how it goes sometimes when I attempt to do something someone else does and it’s not really born in my heart.  I have to totally own the idea or else it just ends up being a failed immatation.

And then I got to thinking, What if I would let God pick the word for me? And I thought more and thought about the fact that I really did have a “word” last year, and the year before.  And it wasn’t something I thought up.  It was something God brought to mind repeatedly.

Two years ago it was the word Hope.  And I didn’t really like that word, because so often when it came screaming into my heart, it brought pain with it.  Reminders that Hope doesn’t always provide what it’s “promising”.  And when I would feel hope beginning to lodge in my heart again, I would almost resisit it, sure that it would once again be deferred.

Last year, the word God gave me was Grace.  Grace was the most beautiful word for me last year and I clung to it hard.  Grace was the gift I experienced when we recieved devastating news in May.  Grace was the gift  I experienced those brief few days we spent with family in Texas walking through one of the hardest valleys ever.  Grace was the gift we recieved that day we stood in the cemetary and watched the dirt pile up.  Grace  - a gift of being able to spend a restful, challenging, encouraging, hard, powerful week in the mountains of North Carolina being healed, softened.  Grace was the gift of many friendships old and new that touched individual places in my heart that only they were gifted to touch.  Yes, Grace, God’s gift to me this year was perfect, really.  And Grace in the middle of our extreme losses of 2011, gave me longing and appreciation for Hope.

The Grace of 2011, redeemed the deferred Hope of 2010.

And so I think I’m gonna wait a little bit and see if God gives me a word for 2012.  Maybe it will be Grace again.  Maybe He’s bringing back Hope. Maybe it’s not one specific thing.  Maybe there will be lots of little thing this year instead of one big thing God will be impressing on my heart this year.  I just know that I want it to be another year of God “work” in my life.  And so I wait patiently, anticipating what God might have for me this year.

Some things that I know I do want for this year. . .

- to embrace life fully
- to enjoy, celebrate, and protect a slower pace of life
- to value (and pursue more) meaningful relationships
- to trust God more
- to be more God focused and less self focused

I’m off to embrace what’s left of my weekend.

And by the way, I really do think it’s a cool idea to pick a word for your year.  If you do that, I’d love to hear from you.  What word did you pick for 2012?  Any good stories of words picked from previous years?

2011 was a year of:

Change

Embracing new relationships while saying goodbye to a dear friend.

Loss

Saying goodbye to our dear mother.

Adjusting

Getting used to our new neighborhood and occasional scenes like this, amongst many other things.

Family

Traveling

Visiting dear friends in Georgia.

Learning

About ourselves, our God, and relationships

Blessed to be able to spend a week learning from Crabb.

Relationships

Doing Hard Things

Not only had people to walk with us in the hard, but have an increasing awareness that God is in the hard.

And the triumphant feeling of having accomplished hard.

Looking ahead

to the new and what God has for us in 2012.

Joe organized a hayride one Sunday night.  Lots of family fun.  We traveled across many back country road.  It ended up being a rather long, cold ride till we were done, but we had fun singing songs and talking.

Love the Texas 'scape.

This is the part where it got cold.

The eskimo look going on in Texas.

Jolynn and I had a cake/brownie pop making day with the nieces and cousins.  It ended up being a rather long tedious project, but we had some fun in the process.

Gathered around the Christmas dinner table.

First time I helped with the traditional Christmas program. Felt like I should after harrasing the neice.

The night before we left, we took one more walk across the pasture to visit this dear woman. This was the first day that she was out of her bed since August.

We were so blessed to have this time in Texas.  We had so many wonderful times spent with family and were also able to spend time with a number of other friends that a week long visit doesn’t usually leave space for.  It was kinda hard leaving knowing that it might be a year (unlike the four trips this past year) till we see the lovely land and faces of Texas.

I had a dream the other night that we were still in Texas and I was cleaning out the fridge and organizing the house and getting it ready for mom to come back.  And in my dream I realized that mom wasn’t coming back.  And I wasn’t sure anymore, what I was getting the house ready for.

We missed her.  Duane, especially much in the first moments.  But I rather quickly felt very comfortable in her kitchen – running her kitchen.  I think it’s actually to her credit.  She always welcomed me in her kitchen and wanted me to feel very at home there.

We miss her, so. We weren't done with her yet. We wanted her to see us "grow-up". We wanted her to be a part of that.

Sometimes I'm jolted with the permanancy of this loss. Some losses can be recovered. This one will not here on this earth.

We adjusted to the new normal fairly quickly there.  But it was the “first” moments.  The wedding and knowing how much mom would have loved everything – the flowers, the dress.  She would have been smiling and laughing and hugging and enjoying.  I missed that.

And then there was the family christmas night.  Last year she was busy serving.  This year she’s dancing with the trinity.  And as happy as we are for her, we’re still sad for us.

The empty chairs next to dad where mom and grandma sat for the christmas program, were stark reminders that so much has changed.  The one sister and the young nephew occupying those two chairs somehow made it less glaring.  Yes, there was something shockingly different this year, but as the family reshuffles and holds onto each other, we move on in this different.  And we celebrate and enjoy one another.  And our hearts hurt, but our hearts are happy, as well.

Only happened a couple times, but the evenings spent singing were fun.  Glad we made room for the guitar.

The crazy one there, that’s my husband.

A night out with friends.  Was fun discussing many things and getting some “lived-life-longer” perspective.

We went out early one Saturday morning to “help” our friends load cattle.  It was fun to be part of such an event.  There’s excitement in the air as family (and friends – us) gather for some hot cofffee and burritos before heading out to the cold.  It’s a family affair, cause it takes a lot of people.  Doesn’t take long to get one truck loaded, but you don’t want to be drastically out-numbered by the cattle.

I’m pretending that this isn’t a blurry bad picture, but actually an artistic edited picture to show you the early-ness of the event.  And I think it speaks cold also.

Here we are, embracing a bit of Texas culture. I think I could actually see myself being a farmer's wife after all. Not dairy or pigs, though. Something about cattle. . .

Croutching down so as not to intimidate the cattle.

We're the by-standers. No cattle prods for us.

When dad took his unexpected trip to Belize, we had the opportunity to try out the cattle farmer thing – on a very low-scale of course.  We had to feed and and give them water every evening.  And I insisted I help Duane.  Was kinda fun.  Now fixing barbed wire fence?  Count me out.

{For my friends and family back home and. . .  just for fun.}

6:45 alarm goes/I shut it up
6:50 second alarm goes off.  I hit snooze.  I never hit snooze.  Today I hit snooze.
6:55 third alarm – I drag myself out of bed and get ready to meet the day.
7:15 dash downstairs and inhale some cereal before heading out the door.
7:25 arrive in town at Duane’s dad’s store.  Help check in order, go to bank, etc.
9: 30 head across the street to the cefco for some pumkin cappuccinos for myeself and the hardworking husband at home.
9:45 arrive home.  Bless husband with cappuccino.  Enjoy my own.
10:00 make lists, catch up on email/blogs.
11:15 husband joins me downstairs for an early lunch.
12:00 spend some time on the treadmill trying to burn up what I just ate.
1:00 clean house, laundry.
4:00 walk over to Lois and visit for a bit.
4:30 back home water plants, finish laundry.
5:45 help Duane feed the cattle, change and get ready for dinner invitation.
6:30 Arrive at Wade and Clara Miller’s for a wonderful meal and a delighful evening.
10:00 back home, crawling into bed.  (for once we make it to bed on time).

This is by no means a typical day.  Don’t know that I have a typical day here.  Daune’s a bit more consistent.  He sits in his little office upstairs every day from 7:00 to 4:00, then he goes to the store till 5:30. We’re enjoying the blessing of these non-typical days.

The Uncle I never Met

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

The Unplanned Changed the Plans

All of these could be titles to this post, so I chose not to title this post.

After my last post, I was thinking about how light-hearted and fun the post felt compared to some of my posts in the last half year.

It kinda gave me the same feeling I had last week at a concert hearing one of my most favored songs Praise You in This Storm. The song that previously often brought tears to my eyes, brought me much happiness as I realized that the storm wasn’t as big anymore.

The realities of the last 7 months haven’t changed, but the stormy feelings were less severe.  The fact that I’ve been able to compose more light-hearted writings, testified to the same fact.

The storm isn’t as severe.

BUT. . .

Light-hearted gave way to the serious around 2:30 the next morning.

We had only just heard less then 12 hours before that he was being transferred to a bigger hospital because it was serious.

Death claimed him early that morning.

And I’m reminded once again how death has such an impact on life.  Dad never planned to take a trip to Belize while we were here.  But a few hours later he was on a plane bound for that very place.

Decisions had to be made, plans changed.  Death has left its mark.

To our Uncles and Aunts and cousins in Belize – You’re in our prayers.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil.
For thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff,
They comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Thou annointest my head with oil.
My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

After an impulsive drive through the night, my brother and I arrived in town early afternoon aprox. 12 hours ahead of schedule.  After another drive through the night the next night, I was reunited with Duane at Dallas airport.  Much sleeping happened late into the day that first Saturday we were here.

I managed to arrive in time to participate in the celebratory bridal shower of my dear niece, Carla.

The Bride-to-be with friends

The BTB's stash of gifts

The BTB and her bridesmaids

The BTB and her "young" Aunts

Duane set up his office that first Saturday and was all ready to go Monday morning.  Yes, he has three computer screens.  Yes, we made room to haul them all along.  Yes, we will have to make room for them when we pack our car to go home.   And, Yes, we won’t talk about how many shoes the wife brought.  :)   They take up less space though, I promise.

Since Conrad was around, we headed to town for the afternoon along with some of the nephews, a niece, and a brother and sis-in-law.  We ate at this awesome bbq joint that I hope to visit again before we depart.  And, yes, these guys are stuffing themselves with pounds of brisket.

Intently staring at the ducks I belive, who were enjoying their feast of corn tortillas that we had showered upon them.

And then there was the bridge where we entertained ourselves (and the relaxing gentelmen on nearby benches).  We’ll blame our behavior on the brother and the nephews.

They look innocent enough, don't they?

Then the attempt at a group picture:

The sister chews out the brother for counting his money at a time like this.

The sis-in-law adds her words of admonition.

Lendalls had it. And I'm just going crazy by now. If it wasn't for my husband holding me back. . .

Yep, we pretty much lost it. Especially the niece there.

Crazy group, fun memories.

Last stop, the Dr Pepper museum.

And thus end this first installment of the crazy adventures in Texas.

Snow in October?  Yep.  This is how we spent our snow-day.

- We lit candles
- We worked on projects
- We visited friends who have hot chocolate and cookies.  :)

The finished project in use.

The land that once housed all manor of junk and trees and shrubs and debris and chaos is slowly becoming the perfect cookout/camping spot for my family.  We seem to like to wait till October to camp.  Not sure why exactly, but we don’t usually have to worry about it being to hot.  We layer on the clothe and some of us bring heaters for our tents.  Others of us prefer a comfy camper.  And still others of us are so brave we sleep without heater OR camper.  We’re the hard-core camping kind.

We sit

We do big campfires

We cook

We daydream

We play games

We stategize

We are family.