My Identity


“Who am I?”  This is the question that I asked a dear friend of mine some years ago.  It was at a particularly trying time in my life.  I was under a lot of criticism for the way I lived my life – the way I related to people- and I was attacked with scarring words.  I started believing that maybe I wasn’t any good.  Maybe I WAS scum – worthless.  And everybody knew it.  Everybody knew I was this terrible person. 

God brought an incredible friend into my life during this time.  A friend who saw good in me.  A friend who saw God in me (cause He IS the good in me).  She spoke life-giving words to me.  She didn’t tell me that I was perfect and had no bad in me, but she took me to God and what He saw.  She took me to Isaiah and to God – my strength and song, my salvation, my Father. 

After sitting in a park with her one night, being incredibly encouraged, I went back to my room and typed these words in an email to her – “Who am I?”  When I was with her, I saw God.  I saw that God had placed good in me.  I saw myself as someone God wanted to use.  I saw myself God’s child.  But so quickly the lies would come flying back.  Who really am I?  Am I good or am I this terrible person that it seems some think I am. 

A couple months later I picked up a book at the store – “A Tale of Three Kings”.  I went straight from the store to the park.  I wanted answers and I wanted them now.  I read and the answers I found challenge me still.

David had a question:  What do you do when someone throws a spear at you?

Does it seem odd to you that David did not know the answer to this question?  After all, everyone else in the world knows what to do when a spear is thrown at you.  Why, you pick up the spear and throw it right back!

And in performing this small feat of returning thrown spears, you will prove many things:  You are courageous.  You stand for the right.  You boldy stand against the wrong.  You are tough and can’t be pushed around.  You will not stand for injustice or unfair treatment.  You are a defender of the faith. . .  You are after the order of King Saul.

My desire today is that there would be no remnant of King Saul left in me.  I choose, by the grace of God, to dodge spears and not throw them back.

He discovered three things that prevented him from ever being hit. 
One, never learn anything about the fashionable, easily mastered art of spear throwing.  Two, stay out of the company of all spear throwers.  And three, keep your mouth tightly closed.
In this way, spears will never touch you, even when they pierce your heart. 
(Italicized words are Gene Edwards’ from “A Tale of Three Kings”)

So who am I?  I’m still on a journey trying to figure that one out.  I do know this:  No matter what labels others or I myself may place on me, I am a child of God, created for His purposes.  And for that, I am most grateful.



  1. Michele  •  Dec 13, 2010 @5:12 pm

    Oh Lucy, (if you could hear the way I would say those two words you would understand it all!) I love this post. I love that book. Everybody should read that book. I wish I was better at living what it says in that book. Enough about the book. You. You are…beautiful. loved. amazing. understanding. missed. :)
    The country sister.

  2. Lucy  •  Dec 13, 2010 @5:21 pm

    And you, my country sister, are encouraging. And missed as well. See you soon, though. I’m getting giddy just thinking about all the wonderful things you’re going to give me when I see you. :)

  3. Katrina Weaver  •  Dec 14, 2010 @12:20 am

    What beautiful words! Thanks for sharing!!

  4. Jolynn  •  Dec 14, 2010 @2:44 am

    I just love when you write, Lucy. Very good thoughts. I read that book too and really enjoyed it. To protect ourselves from pain from others it feels so ‘right’ to stab them back. But is that what I really want and who I really want to be? Deep down? Sigh. Lucy, I see where you are today and I love the changed you that I see. love you! :)

  5. Jolynn  •  Dec 14, 2010 @2:45 am

    Oh, and what will YOU bring me for Christmas???

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