Browsing the blog archives for October, 2011.

We Camped

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The land that once housed all manor of junk and trees and shrubs and debris and chaos is slowly becoming the perfect cookout/camping spot for my family.  We seem to like to wait till October to camp.  Not sure why exactly, but we don’t usually have to worry about it being to hot.  We layer on the clothe and some of us bring heaters for our tents.  Others of us prefer a comfy camper.  And still others of us are so brave we sleep without heater OR camper.  We’re the hard-core camping kind.

We sit

We do big campfires

We cook

We daydream

We play games

We stategize

We are family.

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Remembering

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We remembered mom.  We remembered our heritage.  It was a wonderful weekend, really.  I knew it would be hard returning to Texas for the first time, but I think it was more healing then hard.  The original plan of the weekend was to celebrate mom and dad’s 50th anniversary, but mom’s passing in May changed all of that.  It seemed like grieving would be replacing our celebration.

Dad told lots of story’s.  We asked lots of questions.  We greived.  We celebrated that day 50 years ago when mom and dad committed their lives for each other and began a life that we are so grateful for.  We enjoyed hearing story’s of dad’s childhood – life in Canada, Mexico, and Belize.  But mostly we enjoyed hearing the parts of his story that included mom.  The part where they started liking each other at much too young of an age (some of the younger grandchildren will use that to their advantage).  The part where dad moved away and for two years they didn’t see each other and wrote letters.  The part where mom moved to Belize also and they began to date.  The parts that caused dad to get a silly smile on his face and he’d turn the question back on the asker, such as “well, what did you do on your dates?”  We like him alot.  We like his story.

And grieving did not replace celebrating.  Oh, to be sure, we grieved.  But we celebrated.  We have so much.

We are family and we celebrate that.

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Could Shame give way to Forgiveness?

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Confusion.  Failure.  Sin.  Guilt.  Hiding.  Fear.  Exposed.  Shame.  Forgiven.  Condemnation.  Punishment.  Shame.  Hiding.  Surviving.  Living.  Secrets.  Hidden.  Fear.  Shame.

Shame for the rest of your life.  Guilt that doesn’t let go.  Fear that the secret will be discovered.

Where is Forgiveness? Where is Grace?

Everyone needs compassion,
A love that’s never failing.
Let Mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of the Savior.
The hope of Nations.

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is might to save.
He is mighty to save.
Forever, auther of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as you find me,
All my fears and failures.
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
And now I surrender.

SURRENDER.

Forgiveness extended.  Salvation offered.  Mercy recieved.  Grace accepted.

GRATEFUL.

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Her strong grip

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Her grip was too strong for her frail body.  I couldn’t take my hand away.  I pried her fingers off of mine as I said good-bye with tears stinging my eyes.  I pried her fingers away as my heart jumbled up into grief.

“She wouldn’t let go,”  I gasped to my husband through the tears.

And I was transported back 4 months. . .

to another bedside.  Another dying dear woman.

We didn’t actually think we’d see her again on earth.  But her ending couldn’t be more different then her daugher-in-laws.  Where the daugher-in-laws life went way too quickly, her life drags on and on.  They thought it was the end so many times, but she pulls through.

Will she still be here in six weeks?  I pray that if she’s still on this earth, that she will be well enough to hold my hand in that strong grip of hers.

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When Autumn gives way to Winter

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Autumn a respite from the heat, but a harbinger of death.  Autumn, the season where excitement for life appears after the draining burden of summer.  Autumn, the prequel to a fight for life.  A prequel to the dark season – the season where death takes over.

And Autumn gives way to winter.  The sadness of winter overtakes the fresh excitement of fall.  The coldness settles in and seems to separate from life.  Deaths grip closes in and life struggles to continue.

I wish Autumn could stay forever in my soul, but Winter takes over.  And I fight for life and desparately resist the sadness of Winter.  But the cold settles in and life seems like a distant memory from the past.

And Autumn does it every time.  It always gives way to Winter.

But underneath the sadness, the coldness, the bleakness –It still remains.  Underneath the blanket of snow in the deepest recesses of my soul, Life remains.  For Life is something I’ve been given, that Winter can never take from me.


May you embrace true Life in the Father today – the sustainer of Life in the Winter.
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