Moments

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They catch me unawares, the moments a memory pops up.

Like the moment at the store the other night, standing in the isle looking at water filter pitchers.  My comment to Duane was, “your mom keeps hers on the counter.”  As soon as I said it, I realized it had come out present tense.  I left it that way.  I didnt’ bother to correct myself.  It felt ok to say it that way.  Cause in some ways her presence is still very “here” on earth.  No, not literally, but the way some things are still the same in her kitchen, like the pitcher on the counter.

I dug out my sudoku book the other night.  Duane says, “that’s the one I bought for you when dad bought one for mom.”  We shared that love, her and I.

The first birthday without that card from a mother in a far away land.  But the husbands 1st birthday without the card – that was harder still.  And the wife getting, or not getting, a card for him couldn’t make it better, or worse.  Cause nothing can replace it – this getting a card from mom.

And the pictures. . .  pictures of a little boy.  She is the only one who could share with me that perspective – the perspective of mom to the little boy.  There’s pieces of Duane that I won’t know, because I can no longer hear from mom.

And these moments – they invite me to value the present moments.  And as hard as those moments can be sometimes, I want them.  I need them.  Because they keep me aware of the importance of living fully – this life I’m living right now.

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